If I wasn't so used to the way of life in America, I would have considered moving away from this country more seriously, especially with a bleak future I see in this country. While I'm pessimistic about the U.S., it doesn't mean that I hold this view for the rest of the world. With all biases aside, like many around the world do believe that China will emerge as one of the dominant forces in the world. However, even so, after growing up and visiting there during the summer almost every summer, I don't know how I will become used to the environment.

My initial instinct concludes that the little things in the country bother me the most. Speaking from experience, this is only Beijing. Some of them are:

1. Air Quality - No blue skies except after a storm, even then it only lasts 3-4 days. Number of cars make pollution a horrible problem. Makes the air in L.A. seem like Godsend.

2. Summer Heat - I'm usually not particular about weather but the heat during the summer is unbearable at times. Somehow the soot in the air makes things even worse as walking anywhere when its over 100 degrees F is something of a struggle which brings me to my next point...

3. The Mosquitoes - Once I counted over 25 bites over my body due to mosquitoes during the summer. The humidity during the summer is too perfect for these things to roam around.

Off the top of my head, that's about it for now. Its always the trivial and minute details that seem to matter the most. Of course there's also the problem with me getting a job there, meeting new friends etc. But on the bright side, the variety of food there is so much better than the ones in America, this is the almighty qualifier.

Other than just bumming around, I've made a plan to study for the LSATs and to take the test in September. Taking a couple practice tests has made me realize that 1. My logic sucks, 2. Attention to detail on this test is insane (nuances of word will be debated), 3. I have really bad ADD (which I knew but didn't deter me that much in college). I'm hoping to score a 170 and if I do see if I can get in a T14 school. So I'm trying to study as much as possible to get over this hump / aiming for 7-8 hours a day. I never saw myself going to Law but I'm trying not to think too far ahead, just far enough to take the test.

I was running on such a high last summer because I was working like crazy and had so much to look forward to. But recently, I've lost a lot of confidence in myself. I constantly question myself and I see that I'm not so much lacking the motivation to rebound but the energy to start again. I remember I used to have hobbies but now the fatigue from this past school year has just run its course through every part of my body. I've embraced the phrase expect the worse and hope for the best but somehow it has become a crutch instead of a basis for optimism. Another rejection this week just sunk my hope a little more. Damn it, I just want some motivation to go somewhere else and do something fresh and new.

The feelings the day I graduated from college is exactly the feelings I got the day I entered it: uncertain, unsure and broke. Actually scratch everyone of those and insert MORE in front of each word (especially the last). One big reason why this might slowly become a problem now is that in college it was assumed to be all three of these things. Now that you graduated, things are just a little different.

I turned 22 this year. I hear people around me start talking about this age as "old" and I started to dismiss it at first but then taking a step back, responsibilities finally pile up and I understand it a little more. When I was 12, I thought 22 was eons away and when I reach that age, I'll at least be working, something that was an interesting idea when I was young. Now that I'm 22, great, I'm also unemployed.

While I feel obliged to change my current situation, I've also reached standstill. The rejections are non stop. To give a perspective, I've probably sent my resume out to at least 100 places if not more. I've had around 40-50 interviews counting first and second round which is a pretty good, but when it came to offers, I came in with a big fat 0. During my last semester, I visited with a career counselor at the business school to see what I'm doing wrong and I swear if I ever hear the words networking and alumni in the same sentence again, I'm going to puke all over myself. If networking was this easy, then why isn't everyone employed? Because there is always an astrix attached and always a catch.

I can't isolate what I'm doing wrong and neither did the counselor, I came out of the meeting understanding what I know already:

1. The economy sucks and Uncle Sam is trying to fix it by shitting on it some more
2. Try monstertrak.com (which I actually did and it's ACTUALLY the biggest scam because lets say I rather buy the lottery ticket )
3. Network...yada yada yada

So through a series of unfortunate events, I'm where I'm today. Trying to find a direction and just trying catch my next break.